Friday, September 22, 2006

Rekindle..

Dubai is my home even though I shall forever be considered an expatriate. Born and bred up here, I associate and adhere myself to this land rather than my native country. Twenty years have elapsed since I last visited my motherland. I have buried the faint memories of my last visit deep within where they are least bothered.

My uncle (Mother’s brother) has suffered a massive stroke, his condition is critical and he needs immediate surgery. The doctors refuse to operate until his condition improves. Surgery in his present condition would mean certain death . My Parents are in tears so are my brother and sister who met him during their visit previous year.

Sadly, I vaguely remember him.

His memories were briefly refreshed by a recent visit of his children to Dubai. I found it astonishing as to how well inform they were of my last visit, my childhood antics, my frequent tomfoolery & tantrums. It moved me when I saw a Home video of faces who I remember to be so young now showing visible signs of old age and pleading me to come visit them before it’s too late.

I was humbled by the fact that even though I distanced myself from them they persisted to keep my memories alive amongst themselves. In light of the current series of events, if ever there was a fool it was me.

One never loses a connection as long as good & happy memories remain, everything else is secondary. With aid of those sweet moments it is possible to rekindle any flame.

I pray my uncle makes a quick recovery and then I shall take a trip to rediscover & rekindle the flame i had foolishly put out..

Monday, September 18, 2006

Rise like the Phoenix

He has decided to settle for something that is least befitting his caliber, education & experience…I am hurt. He appears optimistic but I know it’s a farce inside he too is devastated.

Dubai is weird place; no matter how long you reside here you are still an expatriate. Loss of employment would mean automatic cancellation of your resident permit. Two-Three months is all the time allotted to unearth a new employer or you are asked to leave.

Two months back he lost his job. It’s been a tough two months for him. I was always proud of his determination to never compromise on the nature of job he aspired. I could never picture him grasping at any job out of desperation or sheer necessity; I thought he would be loyal to the high standards he has set himself and endure these turbulent times.

I have made awful career choices, but I am content with where I stand. It had given me immense joy knowing he was better off.

“Minor Setback” he says and smiles.

It was never the fear of the residence permit that made him concede but rather internal pressure from his peers. The most devious form of pressure where words arent spoken but such an ambiance is created where you intrinsically sense what is desired. Choice or the fake sensation that you have one evaporates. You are annexed and so are your dreams.

Sibling Rivalry has never existed between my brother and me; with us it’s always been sibling camaraderie.

I hope he rises like the phoenix and soar to higher grounds..

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Are you having a Perfect Day?

Long, petulant & hectic hours at work have kept me pre-occupied over the past few days. Slowly but gradually I return to normalcy.

No matter how frustrated and disgruntled I am with work, ironically it does add a sense of purpose to my life. I keep saying within my soul that I want to change but maybe I am just a liar.

Maybe I have developed an invisible attachment with my working habitat and routine, rupturing this bond would petrify my core existence.

Maybe “Change” scares me hence I resort to frail statements to legitimize my predicament.

Sometimes I wonder whether I am as mature as I ought to be.

Lets grade our lives, Lets note down all the stuff that constitutes to our daily essential monotonous routine.
Lets then take a step back and behold various acts we deem important.
Lets be wise. Lets judge us
Lets seek the hindsight to look beyond the peripheral horizon.

Can you laugh at what you see or do you just pretend to be blind and call it “PERFECT”.

P.S I am still laughing..

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Poison..

They say the darkness engulfing me is due to a devious poison harming my existence..

A poison that surges through the intricate system of my life form providing sustenance to feeble values & artificial ethics much adored by me.

A poison that helps me to co-exist in a tranquil state with my soul but creates crevices with those around me.

A poison that guards my fortress of fortitude.

A poison that bestows onto me mental presence and true bliss.

I have eradicated this seed of obliteration within me.

I have imprisoned my former resolute, idiotic self deep within the dungeons of my fortress of wisdom.

I have finally attained the admiration I forever sought..

Alas!

I have killed my free will..

I have killed my free will..

I have killed my free will..

You will be dearly missed sweet friend..