Rekindle..

Dubai is my home even though I shall forever be considered an expatriate. Born and bred up here, I associate and adhere myself to this land rather than my native country. Twenty years have elapsed since I last visited my motherland. I have buried the faint memories of my last visit deep within where they are least bothered.

My uncle (Mother’s brother) has suffered a massive stroke, his condition is critical and he needs immediate surgery. The doctors refuse to operate until his condition improves. Surgery in his present condition would mean certain death . My Parents are in tears so are my brother and sister who met him during their visit previous year.

Sadly, I vaguely remember him.

His memories were briefly refreshed by a recent visit of his children to Dubai. I found it astonishing as to how well inform they were of my last visit, my childhood antics, my frequent tomfoolery & tantrums. It moved me when I saw a Home video of faces who I remember to be so young now showing visible signs of old age and pleading me to come visit them before it’s too late.

I was humbled by the fact that even though I distanced myself from them they persisted to keep my memories alive amongst themselves. In light of the current series of events, if ever there was a fool it was me.

One never loses a connection as long as good & happy memories remain, everything else is secondary. With aid of those sweet moments it is possible to rekindle any flame.

I pray my uncle makes a quick recovery and then I shall take a trip to rediscover & rekindle the flame i had foolishly put out..

Rise like the Phoenix

He has decided to settle for something that is least befitting his caliber, education & experience…I am hurt. He appears optimistic but I know it’s a farce inside he too is devastated.

Dubai is weird place; no matter how long you reside here you are still an expatriate. Loss of employment would mean automatic cancellation of your resident permit. Two-Three months is all the time allotted to unearth a new employer or you are asked to leave.

Two months back he lost his job. It’s been a tough two months for him. I was always proud of his determination to never compromise on the nature of job he aspired. I could never picture him grasping at any job out of desperation or sheer necessity; I thought he would be loyal to the high standards he has set himself and endure these turbulent times.

I have made awful career choices, but I am content with where I stand. It had given me immense joy knowing he was better off.

“Minor Setback” he says and smiles.

It was never the fear of the residence permit that made him concede but rather internal pressure from his peers. The most devious form of pressure where words arent spoken but such an ambiance is created where you intrinsically sense what is desired. Choice or the fake sensation that you have one evaporates. You are annexed and so are your dreams.

Sibling Rivalry has never existed between my brother and me; with us it’s always been sibling camaraderie.

I hope he rises like the phoenix and soar to higher grounds..

Are you having a Perfect Day?

Long, petulant & hectic hours at work have kept me pre-occupied over the past few days. Slowly but gradually I return to normalcy.

No matter how frustrated and disgruntled I am with work, ironically it does add a sense of purpose to my life. I keep saying within my soul that I want to change but maybe I am just a liar.

Maybe I have developed an invisible attachment with my working habitat and routine, rupturing this bond would petrify my core existence.

Maybe “Change” scares me hence I resort to frail statements to legitimize my predicament.

Sometimes I wonder whether I am as mature as I ought to be.

Lets grade our lives, Lets note down all the stuff that constitutes to our daily essential monotonous routine.
Lets then take a step back and behold various acts we deem important.
Lets be wise. Lets judge us
Lets seek the hindsight to look beyond the peripheral horizon.

Can you laugh at what you see or do you just pretend to be blind and call it “PERFECT”.

P.S I am still laughing..

Poison..

They say the darkness engulfing me is due to a devious poison harming my existence..

A poison that surges through the intricate system of my life form providing sustenance to feeble values & artificial ethics much adored by me.

A poison that helps me to co-exist in a tranquil state with my soul but creates crevices with those around me.

A poison that guards my fortress of fortitude.

A poison that bestows onto me mental presence and true bliss.

I have eradicated this seed of obliteration within me.

I have imprisoned my former resolute, idiotic self deep within the dungeons of my fortress of wisdom.

I have finally attained the admiration I forever sought..

Alas!

I have killed my free will..

I have killed my free will..

I have killed my free will..

You will be dearly missed sweet friend..

He..

A lone desolate figure sulks within the confinement of his prison; darkness engulfs him as his desperation ensues havoc on his morbid soul. Lost in thoughts, he ponders..

He is guilty of clutching onto the past, broken promises and missed opportunities.
He is culpable of caring excessively for matters deemed trivial by others.
He is discontent with his incessant cultural strife, a social recluse by choice.
He is carrier of a meager load and confuses it to be a heavy burden.

He needs therapy. What is therapy?
It’s a sign that social alienation has succeeded in creating alarming despondency.
It’s a sign that an entity audible to our tribulations is required.
It’s a sign that we have messed up our purpose in life so bad that we need others to sort it.

He needs courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.
He needs courage to be able to sacrifice what we he is for what he could become.
He needs courage to go against the dominant thinking of his culture.
He needs courage to go from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.

A SHADY friend for torrid days
Is easier to find
Than one of higher temperature
For frigid hour of mind.

He closes his eyes and murmurs to his soul..

"For all I ought to have thought, and have not thought; all I ought to have said, and have not said; all I ought to have done, and have not done; I pray to thee God for forgiveness."

Dark..

Dark is the poison; flow morbidly through my veins..

Dark is the rage; shred mercilessly the hypocrisy that surrounds...

Dark is the hour; approach silently with anomalous intent..

Dark is the depth; fall fiercely to damnation that awaits..

Dark is the heart and its abode..

Dark is the death and its blissful solitude..

Lost..

I share a love-hate relationship with my work. An imprisoned bird yearns for freedom to feel the wind rustle its feathers. Honestly, I adore what I do. I find the experience to be enriching and exceedingly stimulating. Sadly, there are days when I abhor the whole activity.

Is it imperative to attach purpose to our line of work?

Isn’t sustenance purpose enough?

How do you liberate your senses to think beyond the superficial scope of your work?

I have never really grasped the idea of self-growth and how it’s associated with our careers. People advice me about my naiveness and warn me against the impending consequences.My fault lies in my negativity to their concerns.

It has been a horrid day at work.Such days have considerably increased recently.

I have just scribbled this..

"Deep within the conscience of my soul lies awake an immortal parody, disconsolate of my surroundings but amorous to my desires. It breathes my will and exhales my life. It shatters my solitude and seeks perfection from my morbid existence. Granting solace, comfort and respite from external prejudice. Victoriously rising to my swansong of forgotten bliss."

I need help… I hope I can make it through the week and not fall victim to the dark void.

Keep me in your prayers.