Farsh's 2 Cents

Meet Me..

2009-05-12T03:02:00.001+04:00

Here, meet Me,
Artless Me

Me
Not of the book
nor of wine

Me
Not of letters
nor of numbers

Me
Not of books
nor of machines
Not of space
nor of the world

Me of doubt

I am just a negative
greater negatives, lesser men
upon me look with favor!

Farewell.. Ali.. Farewell My Bro

2008-07-13T22:08:00.001+04:00

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

If she were far..

2008-01-26T13:09:00.000+04:00

If she were far,
she would be a fragrance.

If she were far,
there would be long-distance call, or a letter,
or sometimes the excuse of holiday greetings,
to know how she is doing.

If she were far, she would be a dream,
   or walking thought,
   or an image which dances before the eyes
   and glitters like words through the night,
   as one turns  the pages of books.

An image for whose sake
   a life-long search through caves and rocks,
   a life-long swirl on waters and sands,
   living with a flute and acacia brambles,
   keeping guard on ramparts all night--
all would be desirable.

If she were far,  for her sake
   a voyage that lasted ten years,
   every murder committed
would be just.

Sometimes a fragrance, sometimes a dream,
or a couplet, a book of lyrics or a fable.
But she is not far,
is neither a dream nor a fragrance.
Just a little warmth  of the body,
in bed, at night.

Two

2007-12-18T03:13:00.000+04:00

In the silence of the night

Two hands
Clutched together...
Saunter: gently caressing the wintry sand beneath their feet

Two hearts
Spoke together...
Words: softly echoing the dreams within their shrouds

Two Souls
Merged together...
Warmth: peacefully pausing the moments of their embrace

Oh Night, Joyous Night
Do not descend upon a broken note

Those days..

2007-10-02T21:51:00.000+04:00

Vacuous days
burrow themselves a place in my heart
as if it was some empty stretch-
denying me my time
in the cavern of blissful calm
my dreams too.

Me

like a lone tree
for the sake of
embracing yellow autumn to my bosom
one after another
in passion
throw onto the earth
all the garments of my body

Yet

Forever annul is this respite of mine
this charity of dreams.

But

A day will come
that I'll forget all this
the severity of the time even
when my heart was rife with pain.
I'll be the white bench
that remains empty
so I may sit on it
and stare into the expanse
where drops of water
like some formless substance wait
to become the apparel of the wind

I owe you...

2007-03-25T13:38:00.000+04:00

In the stillness of the dark night,
she lay alone,
sobbing on her bed,
contemplating,
how much she owed him..

This mournfulness, this restlessness
the inner convulsions, an endless island,
solitude within, body dying —
all this I owe to you.
And they were vast,these plans — ships
great walls of ivory, fine words,promises, promises.
And it would be December,
a jade horse above the water,
doubly transparent, a line in mid-air —
all this undone by the trapdoor of time
in perfect silence.
Some glass mornings
wind, the hollowed soul, a sun I can’t see —
this too I owe to you.

My Lonely Heart...

2007-03-18T15:06:00.000+04:00

I have been guilty of clutching endlessly to memories which meekly detonate constant emotional outbursts. I tend to hold back on the enthralling emotions while I pen anything; I failed miserable while writing this:

I’m all alone;
befriend me,
says my lonely heart
and extends its hands
toward you.

You see its hands
and start to fear.
They are burned
to the elbows.

In such condition
who could possibly take
someone’s hand?
How could anyone
become friends?

You turn away
and begin to walk somewhere
far from my heart's abode.

Watching you withdraw
perhaps my heart itself begins to fear.
In haste it starts to follow
and calls out,
Take me with you.

Hiding its hands inside a white cloth
it calls out again.
You see it coming along
and You stop.
So does my heart.

You look at its feet
and close
your eyes.
Its toes
are covered with blisters;
the soles of its feet, its heels
bleed.

You say to my lonely heart,
You can’t come with me
without proper footwear—
canvas shoes, woolen socks.
And
You set out
on your way.

Hearing your words
My lonely heart’s eyes well up with tears.
You don’t see them.
What happens to my lonely heart
when You leave?
You don’t worry about it.
My lonely heart’s grief, how lonely it must be
without you—
leaving it behind, on our way
You have no idea at all.

You are unaware:
whenever ill befalls you
my lonely heart, like true friends,
is troubled.
Wherever You may be
it runs after you
upon its wounded feet
to save you.

Finding you nowhere
it raises
its
hands in supplication
burned to the elbows
and says a prayer
for your well-being.

Let me think..

2007-03-17T03:19:00.000+04:00

Let me think a while...

In my life's garden, today more bleak than a wasteland,
Which branch sprang first into blossom?
Which one died first in the withering of passion?
When, in what agony, in what season,
Was it drained of its vital blood?
Who went for the jugular in the throat of the flower?

Let me think.
Give me time to think...

A Little Black Bird..

2007-03-09T20:07:00.000+04:00

To a Dear Friend,

Thank you for the courage you give me to speak..

On the grey skies
A fluttering black sparrow
silently descended
and through some back door
came to my bed
and settled on my chest
But hearing the pounding of my broken heart,
returned to the skies!

My New Job...

2007-03-05T08:58:00.000+04:00

I watched faces; slowly the buzz about the place became accustomed to my being. There exists a stark difference to what I have left behind; a feeling of purpose exists but an unexplained loneliness cohabits. I miss my Cubicle, I yearn for my afternoon tea, I covet the melancholy, the camaraderie, or maybe I miss being ME.

But isn’t this life...

There persists a constant struggle to move on and readjust.

We carry within us a blinding gap that aches the soul within, we try desperately to adapt to the changes.

How long? A brief time or a long tenure... I don’t know.

Its different, it’s scary...

I just watch faces.

Me...Part Deux

2007-02-25T16:23:00.000+04:00

The one never to tread the beaten track is me
The one to take new, outlandish turns is me
Never will you understand these odd, offbeat things?
Wherever be the fire, the one to get burned is me

Enough is the little dew to make me wet;
Enough is the little flame; the one to melt is me
Enough is the little blow to make me stagger;
Enough is the little wave; the one to splash up is me
Enough is the little journey to lead me astray;
Enough is the little help; the one to recover is me
Enough is the little morning to mortify me;
Enough is the little moon; the one to pine is me
Enough is the little space for me to pass through;
Enough is the little hope; the one easy to please is me

Your little grief and the one to sob is me;
The one who cannot bear with your gloom is me

What is it like spark in your body?
The one to glitter at the tiny reflection is me
What is it like wakefulness in your blood?
A mere touch and the one to be perfumed is me
What is it like grandeur in your grace?
The one to hesitate at a trifle is me
Your lovely face is a garden of colors
What sights I capture though a winker is me

I am not a stone, immune to the season’s mood
The one to be stirred by a gentle breeze is me
If alone, it’s difficult to move a step;
With you around, the one never to be tired is me

Afraid of the thick dark night is me
The one to spread like desolation is me
Who is it that calls me from across the river?
The one to dive into the swollen river is me
If infamy is my fate, let it be so
The one never to take timorous steps is me
What do I crave more than your company?
The one to live and to die with you is me
Having told everything, have you severed the ties?
What should I say, for devoid of the gift of gab is me

The one to design varieties of pages is you;
The one to paint your choicest shades is me
The eternal, infinite Time that passes is you;
The one to halt at every sight and shade is me

Happier Thoughts..

2007-02-08T20:47:00.000+04:00

Nostalgia has always been my source of happier thoughts & sweet memories...

The scent wafting from your body
now holds my senses captive,
warming the silent ambiance of the room.

Your cheek, moist with sweat,
brings to my mind the first showers of the
nighttime rains.

The half-burnt cigarette between your
fingers—
showing traces of your lipstick,
makes reality a twirl of smoke.

You’re silent, I’m quiet too,
while in our hearts we both debate—
if only words were not the sole recourse.

Unworthy Gift...

2007-02-03T17:54:00.000+04:00

If I offered you my heart,
It would be dishonest of me.
It has stayed with others.
It has marks of many fingers,
Drops of happiness that flowed from lips
of others
Have left dried stains under its rim.
Still, I would give you this unworthy gift
If only I were not sure that you too,
Satiated, will return it.

Me..

2007-01-16T10:41:00.000+04:00

I am not the light of any eyes, nor of any heart the peace or truce.
A friable object of no use, I am but a dry handful of dust.

Not at all a lyric's life-giving sense: having heard me who should act on this?
I'm a wail of ruin in the wilderness, and the voice of a blazing heart's distress.

Color from my face has long been gone, since my one true love was snatched from me.
I'm an autumn-slaughtered garden trapped in my own spring crop's stillborn loneliness.

Nor am I any soul's beloved soul, nor am I indeed any rival's rival:
I'm a fate in flight to its flailing fall; one tall flatland turned to a vale of tears.

Why would anyone chant a requiem, placing some stray florets upon this tomb?
Why would anyone shed a tear over me, a crypt of helplessness?

Fate...

2006-12-13T10:02:00.000+04:00

FATE slew him, but he did not drop;
She felled—he did not fall—
Impaled him on her fiercest stakes—
He neutralized them all.

She stung him, sapped his firm advance,
But, when her worst was done,
And he, unmoved, regarded her,
Acknowledged him a man.

Do you have an opinion?

2006-12-10T12:05:00.000+04:00

The intricacies of my mind, the vulnerability of my deeds, the solitude I crave dearly and the dream that I have to relinquish…

The freedom that never was, the decisions that don’t matter, the darkness that treads, hence the voice inside my head grows…

Do you have an opinion?
A mind of your own?
I thought you were special
I thought you should know
But I've run out of patience
I've run out of comments
I'm tired of the violence
I couldn't care less

Do you have an opinion?
A mind of your own?

An Advice...

2006-12-07T11:07:00.000+04:00

I don’t understand the frivolity of your mind my friend, it baffles me no bound. I like to imagine the distances you have covered are inconsequential in comparison to the journey you embark on. Do you really believe that these meager saccharine memories are too stiff a price to pay, do you reckon this is exploitation.

You know I'm such a fool for you
You've got me wrapped around your finger...
Do you have to let it linger?

Ignore the slow music that churns out…

Let reality ensue, your world culminates down a bitter path and your melancholic song plays in the background

Flames to Dust, Lovers to friends,
why do all good things come to an end…

Write it all down, every miniature detail and then as you gaze at your written times of yore with much lament and sorrow, burn it, let the ashes rise and drift away with the wind of change, maybe then you will bury it and move on...

Desert of Solitude...

2006-12-04T12:34:00.000+04:00

A Feeble attempt at translating Faiz's "Dasht-e-Tanhai (The Desert of Solitude)

Through the sands of my solitude,
O love, tremor the shadows of your voice;
The waning vision of your lips.

In the waste of my solitude
And beneath the dust and ashes of separation,
Blossom the jasmines and roses of your touch.

Rises from somewhere near,
The undulating flame of your breath--
Coiling and restless;
It cinders in its own perfume slowly
Still alight.

In the distance upon the horizon glistens,
drop by leaden drop,
the silken dew of your glance,
O love, as it falls.

With such affection, O love!
Your memory has placed its hand
on the countenance of my heart
now;

It seems that--
And though we are beset with the dawn of parting,
the day of migration has faded,
and the night of our union has arrived!

Night by the sea...

2006-12-03T15:05:00.000+04:00

As the chilliness of the night touches its acme, I begin to lose myself within the sweet melodies of the gentle waves, gently kissing the footprints I leave behind. Light drizzle splatters against my face; tender taps “conveyance of exultation” scatter upon my face but the harsh breeze mercilessly pierces through my body as I snug deeper into the warmth & shelter of my jacket. The idiosyncrasy of the moment is confounding; though I wish to greet raindrops with open arms I am timorous of the bold wind…

The moment is so symbolic of my life; the relentless yearning to excel accompanied always with the persisting fear of defeat. If you are adamant on enjoying the rain be valiant against the cold. Nothing beautiful is laid in your lap; there is always hardship involved. Endeavor against oddity and enjoy the beauty of your labor…

At a distance burnt the bonfire in all its glory; bearing testimony:
To the joyous tales of old memories,
To nights like these with forgotten friends,
To the warmth of souls that gathered around in harmony, sweet harmony,
To the worries that were caste away,
To the sorrows that dispersed away…

My brother steps away from the refuge of the fire and quietly invades my silence...

“The Wave, Somehow I have always missed it. I have been like a surfer desperately paddling to mount the mighty beast but only managing to succumb to its ferocity” “I have always been a step adrift from my peers” “Someday I want to catch that wave and beat them” “Someday I want to ride the beast in all its magnificence and finish not washed out but ahead, way ahead of the pack”

“How do you know which is the right wave to ride” I asked.

“The trick is never to differentiate. Everything we do has a purpose. Nothing is trivial. Its perpetual motion towards a greater goal… don’t waste time deciding what to do and what not to… Do it with all your heart, for if it’s done with heart & soul it will always have a purpose.” He responded…

A shooting star flashed yonder...

“You see that” He pointed at the disappearing light “That’s not me.” He added

“Why?" I was bemused "It’s so beautiful.”

“Beautiful indeed but ephemeral” “I by no means want to be transient” “I want to dwell amongst others, in their happy thoughts & memories long after I am gone” He replied

“How do you plan to accomplish that Herculean task?” I queried

“Be myself” he smiled “Nothing more defining & memorable than a person who knows his purpose and is in balance & harmony with those around him” “Just be myself, thats what i intend to do”

“That’s why I need to catch that DAMN wave” he cheerfully ended…

We slowly joined the group near the bonfire and gradually as the sun awoke from its slumber, we began to pack our stuff & bid adieu to our night by the sea...

Wallet...

2006-12-02T16:23:00.000+04:00

The other night I lost my wallet, the contents of which bore my identification card from work, driving license and of course sizable sum of money. I was appalled at my apparent stupidity and carelessness. Re-issuance of all documents would be a time consuming and nerve wrecking process. As me and brother scavenged the street where I presumably lost it, he said “Humanity” to console to my bemused state.

“What!!” I looked more mystified

“This would be the perfect time for you to reignite your believe in Humanity.”

“Are you crazy? Who in the world would return a wallet with money in it? That’s so unheard of. I reckon the best place to look for it would be in a dumpster.” I went on annoyed.

“We are not completely lost, I hope you know that. There are some good out there. It wouldn’t hurt you to have some faith and besides you will sleep better.” he responded.

Various thoughts about my brother’s indiscreet judgment about humanity tainted my mind. Humanity!! What a load of crap. It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there. Contrary to my brother’s advice I had a restless night, I was already planning the steps to be taken to recover all the documents I had lost.

Because I had been so skeptical and dubious about humanity, it decided to show up at my door bright and early with my wallet. After rummaging through the contents and relief replacing the worrisome look that subsisted; I offered the do-gooder some sort of reward. But the Good Samaritan refused; “It was the right thing to do” he explained. “I am sure you would have done the same thing if you were in my place” he continued.

Humanity, somehow he was beaming with it whereas I just had my faith reinstate.

You & I

2006-11-28T19:53:00.000+04:00

Why are you scavenging through my Past?

The Past I have veiled deep within the dark abyss of my forgotten memories…

Why are you are trying to seek something I am desperately trying to conceal…

Do not probe the path I have taken...

Arent I standing next to you?

Trust me, Hold me…

Nothing else matters...

Distances..

2006-11-19T17:55:00.000+04:00

Distances are deceptive; you can be sitting a few feet away from a person and yet be on a parallel universe. A dreary conversation often preludes masquerading personas and unbroken silences. Withing the depth of that moment you struggle to realize the purpose and reasoning behind the entire setting .. Resounding profoundly within your head is the echo “Fools Rush In”..

Sometimes you yell to your inner being;

Wake up!!
Confront your fate
Face your future
Don’t confuse this as mere moments..

But Alas! Sometimes its late..

What remains are harsh afterthoughts and bitter probabilities..

A Journey..

2006-11-12T17:31:00.000+04:00

A sense of enthusiasm captivates almost all journeys albeit a few which bear indecisive overtones. Arent all journeys truly about escapism, an elusive search for shelter and maybe a chance to rediscover oneself.

Sometimes we are so lost within the dark corridors of our antagonizing intellect that an alteration of our perception becomes a dire necessity.

Sometimes we are so lost within the meticulous routine of our monotonous drudgery that a change of our habitat becomes a dire necessity.

Sometimes we are so lost with the confining prowess of our acrimonious surroundings that a shift of our community becomes a dire necessity.

Am I tired you ask? No
I am just lost in thoughts of a probable tomorrow.

On a much brighter note, I am off to Islamabad. It’s a short trip but since I haven’t been to Pakistan in 20yrs I am looking forward to embarking on this anticipated journey.

Just to incite your curiosity, Fictitious as it might sound if ever the decision to be with someone rested upon one indispensable question which would need answering.. what would be that million dollar question to appease your tormented soul before you can ever consider marital possibilities.

I am trying to rediscover Parveen Shakir.. A bit of advice from her for my journey..

If
in the course of a conversation
gaps of silence begin to occur,
spoken words turn silent;
therefore, my eloquent friend,
let’s carefully listen
to this silence.

Tomorrow..

2006-11-08T17:57:00.000+04:00

A Dear Friend emailed me this earlier; why do I feel it epitomizes my life and its inevitable woeful climax..

He was going to be all he wanted to be, tomorrow.
None would be braver nor kinder than he, tomorrow.
A friend who was troubled and weary, he knew
Would be glad of a lift and needed it too;
On him he would call, see what he could do, tomorrow.
Each morning he thought of the letters he’d write, tomorrow.
And thought of the folks he would fill with delight, tomorrow.
The greatest of workers this man might have been;
The world would have opened its heart to him then,
But in fact he passed on and faded from view,
And all that he left when his living was through
Was a mountain of things he intended to do, tomorrow.

Pray..

2006-11-04T14:00:00.000+04:00

I was overwhelmed with joy when the miracle they sought was rewarded. I am grief stricken and lost for words as clouds of anguish & sorrow have consumed the blessing and the apparent joy has disappeared within a nightmare.

What hurts more: the regret of not being able to bore a child or the torment of losing a child through miscarriage? What if you have experienced both?

She has been a very close friend to me and I cannot begin to fathom the distress she must be in. I am unable to decide any sensible course of action.

Should I call her? What would I say?

I have never been good with condolences; I am inept at uttering sound words of comfort.

No matter how much I try to comprehend her state I shiver at the very thought of the ordeal she is faced with.

Pray for her.
Pray she has the strength to rise from this loss.
Pray that the Lord’s blessings shower once again on her withered garden.
Pray for a new dawn, which would chase away the dark shadows that surround.
Pray..

Love Actually

2006-10-30T19:05:00.000+04:00

I closed my eyes and skimmed through the array of movies I have watched. Reminiscing delightful Love Quotes, which weren’t cheesy but on the contrary added a subtle flair to the movie and virtually summarized to a certain extent the substance within the movie. Here are a few.. I have highlighted the once i really like..

“I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.” City of Angels

"When they ask me what I liked best, I'll tell them it was you." City Of Angels

"I would rather be a ghost, drifting by your side, as a condemned soul, than enter heaven without you. Because of your love, I will never be a lonely spirit." Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon

“You are what I never knew I always wanted.” Fools Rush In

“A heart can be broken; but it keeps beating just the same.” Fried Green Tomatoes

“I wonder how many people never get the one they want, but end up with the one they're supposed to have.” Fried Green Tomatoes

"Everything I do, I do it for you. Anything that might be special in me… is you." Great Expectations

"I am what you have made me to be." Great Expectations

"Sometimes I wish I had never met you. Because then I could go to sleep at night not knowing there was someone like you out there.” Good Will Hunting

“You had me at hello.” Jerry Mcguire

"I know that to love you is a treason against France. But not to love you is a treason against my heart." Man In The Iron Mask

"Take love, multiply it by infinity and take it to the depths of forever… and you still have only a glimpse of how I feel for you." Meet Joe Black

“If you love someone you say it, you say it right then, out loud. Otherwise the moment just... passes you by...” My Best Friend's Wedding

“You know, that moment when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy. And the only thing in focus is you and that person. And you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this gift. And you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that it will go away all at the same time.” Never Been Kissed

“Don't forget. I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy...asking him to love her." Notting Hill

“Will you love me for the rest of my life?”
“No, I'll love you for the rest of mine.” Phenomenon

“Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some time, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me.” Runaway Bride

“I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.” 10 Things I Hate About You

“Don’t say we aren't right for each other, the way I see it is… We aren't right for anyone else.” The Cutting Edge

“You'll always know when the right person walks into your life.” The Butcher's Wife

“Samantha: I have to ask you a question. It's a good one so think about it. If two people love each other, but they just can't seem to get it together, when do you get to that point of enough is enough” “Jerry: Never.” The Mexican

“All our young lives we search for someone to love, someone to make us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope, all the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, someone perfect is searching for us.” The Wonder Years

"I love that you get cold when it is 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” When Harry Met Sally

So What did I miss out?

A Year Older..

2006-10-30T00:38:00.000+04:00

I am a Year old today..
Still these words resonate within the empty corridors of my soul..

Each life converges to some centre
Expressed or still;
Exists in every human nature
A goal,

Admitted scarcely to itself, it may be,
Too fair
For credibility’s temerity
To dare.

Adored with caution, as a brittle heaven,
To reach
Were hopeless as the rainbow’s raiment
To touch,

Yet persevered toward, surer for the distance;
How high
Unto the saints’ slow diligence
The sky!

Ungained, it may be, by a life’s low venture,
But then,
Eternity enables the endeavoring
Again.

I am a Year old today.. maybe i have grown wiser too..

Angel

2006-10-28T16:41:00.000+04:00

Sarah posted a lovely song over at her blog; it made me think about this beauty from the Soundtrack of the movie "City of Angels". The Song if you haven't guessed is "Angel" and its sung by Sarah Mclachlan.

Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there

so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here

Show me the money!!

2006-10-25T15:15:00.000+04:00

I have dim memories of being seven but I do remember my amorous affection for Chocolate. “What an absolutely brilliant Eiddi (small amount of money or gifts elder family members give to children) for my two nieces on Eid!! I bet they would be ecstatic.” I thought to myself. Following is the conversation that ensued after I bestowed their gifts upon them and the rude awakening I was rewarded with.

“What’s this!!” the younger one inquired.

“CHOCOLATE!!” I exclaimed “Don’t you like it?” I added further.

“Yeah we do but where is the Eiddi?” answered the elder one looking dejected.

“This is the Eiddi..” I replied, unable to understand how bemused they appeared when sweet lovable chocolate appeared right before them.

“Are you trying to fool us? Where is the money?” the younger one quipped, “Everyone gave money. We want money!” uttered the elder brazenly as she sprang to aid her sister.

“Money but I got you chocolate, that’s something you love.” I responded.

“Thanks for the chocolate but seriously where is the money? Why are you being such a Cheapo!!” remarked the younger one. “Cheapo!!” A 4 yr old just belittled me. “Where in the world did she pick up that word?” I kept thinking to myself.

Embarrassed I opened my wallet and handed each of them the smallest bank note (5 Dirhams)

“5 Dirhams!! ONLY” the elder shouted, “You are really a cheapo, Batoul Bajji (my sister) gave us 10 Dirhams and she is still studying” “What a cheapo!!” she added.

The word was starting to irritate & infuriate me. To Avoid further persecution I handed each of them 10 Dirhams..

“Wonderful 15 Dirhams!!” moaned the younger one.

My mom overheard the pleasant heart-to-heart and came in. The Elder one turned to her and said, “You sure have a Cheapo son” “Look this is all he gave us for Eiddi” she added as she lifted her hands the thrust the 15 dirhams into my mom’s face.

“How much do you want dear?” my mom amiably inquired.

“100 Dirhams!!” they both shouted in monotone.

“100 Dirhams!!” “That’s extortion, day light robbery, its absurd, completely preposterous & ludicrous” I gasped. Unlike fathers who normally take the vocal route in such situations, mothers have this glance which paints a definitive picture of their mood, it beautifully depicts how annoyed they are and how evidently you are the source of the problem.

Naturally, 100 Dirhams flew out of my wallet and into their awaiting hands. In a flash, they put on their little angel faces and politely said thank you and were ready to gleefully run away.

I wasn’t going to walk out of this empty handed “Hey!! What about my chocolate? Arent you giving that back?” I asked.

“Give Back!! What for?” remarked the younger one.

“Didn’t you say it was Eiddi?” the elder one concluded as they sped off to their next innocent victim.

Let Go..

2006-10-25T13:13:00.000+04:00

My 17yr old cousin got HIS ears pierced; my dad smiled and said nothing.

If I had done that when I was 17: such a rebellious and vulgar misdemeanor would unquestionably depict my mutinous intent against the endearing Captain of Our House.

It’s Extraordinary how women have these innate maternal instincts but for men fatherhood is a learning experience. Confounding Enigma to every father is how to direct his authoritarian stance and let it be known that he is the BOSS. MOST Men as fathers follow a leaner learning curve; there is the initial pragmatic dictatorship where their utterance is law, followed by the partial democracy where the offsprings are allowed limited speech and finally over the years the obstinacy recedes..

Growing up there are moments when difference of opinions compel you to sit infuriated & enraged in dark solitude constantly reminding yourself that no matter what happens you are going to be a more IDEAL father to your children; you will try to develop a more broader, understanding relationship. We all have been there? We all have hated our Fathers? Personally, in that spur of the moment I have had harsh thoughts, foul utterances and maybe sometimes I had gotten a bit carried away..

But when I look back at those moments now I smile at my foolishness, certain things have dawned on me as maturity gently placed its hands on my shoulders. His Actions scornful as they might have appeared to me were in reality expressive of his harmonious, caring nature. What I alleged to be incarceration was in fact his shield protecting me against the perils that encircled me. My Father, like all our fathers, wasn’t God Gifted, he was simply doing his best to shelter & lift me; like me he was learning too..

Learning to someday eventually let go..

Table Tennis Anyone?

2006-10-24T23:04:00.000+04:00

The fact that I hadn’t held a racket for almost 5yrs did deter me from taking part in the annual Ramadan Table Tennis Tournament but all the words of encouragement from my friends convinced me otherwise. I had to dig up my old paddle but I must confess it felt great to be playing again. According to buddies who had observed me at my acme, I had a pretty easy draw. There was just the matter of reviving my OLD strokes.

It’s funny how you desperately struggle to stay focus when you face an opponent who probably took his first steps right about the time you were winning your first trophy. It’s not an exuberating experience realizing that you have AGED physically, the spring & vigor of your youth has faded away.

When you are fifteen you are the “King of the World”, the uncrushable feeling “WILL” resonates from within you. It doesn’t bother you that your adversary is a more seasoned player; there is absolutely no sign of respect. In short, I was expecting an EFFORTLESS win but somebody forgot to enlighten the Kid. He gave me hell of a match and made it pretty evident that I am rusty, old and in serious need of game practice.

I was facing First round elimination and an early embarrassing exit at the hands of someone who I could beat with my eyes closed in my hay days. It’s funny how you never realize but in such dire times “EXPERIENCE” always jumps to your rescue. I don’t remember how but I somehow managed to connive through the imminent First Round Disaster.

The Matches that followed weren’t as difficult and with every match I got better. It was 3 Day Tournament. After the First day my body ached all over but after the second day my game had improved immensely to generate a stir amongst remaining competitors. Being the Dark horse places you at great ease, you are never expected to succeed but as you do you are showered with sycophantic accolades & applause.

Normalcy is when you confine yourself to a corner and chant mantras to motivate youself for the next match. The Inner Psyche is motivated to don the image of a fearsome warrior. Sadly, Over-Confidence follows when your next opponent requests you to “take it easy”. An attitude develops within; blinding your concentration and generating a sense of bogus absolute dominance. You have a mile left in the race and you start thinking of your victory speech. A Fall Humiliating fall ensues and the entire fake persona is shattered.I would like to take this moment to blame my Semi-final loss on the intrinsic overconfident rush that consumed me. I still find it hard to contemplate how I stood on 5 Match points and still walked out the loser.

There are no hard feelings, I did lose the Tournament but I succeeded in creating the social rapport that I forever sought. It humbled me when I was asked to coach the junior team. I delightfully accepted and plan to begin first week of November.

Weird Ole Me..

2006-10-11T17:36:00.000+04:00

My last two posts would bring into question my spiritual integrity & credo. In one post, I speak about virtue and never succumbing to worldly desires and steadfast affirmation of our beliefs in the divinity. Whereas in another, I don the cloak of the antagonist and question the very same beliefs I admirably highlighted.

I wish I were a tree with roots deep within the quintessence of faith and branches sprouting wide and immense, rigid against the wind that blows about. Resolute through whatever trials & tribulation those follow.

Alas! I am but a weak sapling with roots frantically trying to clinch & absorb within the embodiment of faith. I waver as the wind rages. I struggle, I endeavor and every day I grow stronger.

I am not perfect, I am far from it..

But someday I hope to be that tree.. till then bear with me..

Ohh Dear Blasphemy..

2006-10-11T15:22:00.000+04:00

I have hidden every failure, disappointment and letdowns into a dark abyss. I have felt the essence of vulnerability as time raptures my aspirations, my dreams & my ambitions. But I have never forsaken my faith. My steadfast belief accepts these as mere trials & I eternally linger for my glory days. But…

I pour my angst, drop by drop; into a Jar I call patience,
But I fear, the Jar is small, soon the anger tips over..

Here is a scenario to excruciate and confound a pious zealot or what that matter anybody with a shred of Faith residing within him: How do you squash the effervescence urge to ire upon the happenings effecting you with the defined and resolute question

“WHY ME”?

I have stood at the edge of Blasphemy and stared brazenly onto the other side. Sometimes none of it makes sense. How many times have I been advised to never question the occurrences rather repent?

REPENT!! FOR WHAT?

Where are the sins for which I am being persecuted?

Where are the deeds for which I am being blazed?

Have I not concealed myself within the barrows of faith?

Have I not immersed myself into the sea of belief?

Maybe.. He is not listening?
Maybe.. He does not want to listen?
Maybe.. I am not worth listening to?

No matter how much I flutter at edge of sacrilege, I hold steadfast to your rope..

Awaiting A Sign.. still asking “WHY”

Shortcuts..

2006-10-09T12:14:00.000+04:00

Despite much deterrence you arrive at a juncture in life where stalemate looms and monotony governs your lifestyle. Crisis ensues, desperation follows and your panic ridden self scampers to unfamiliar territories to find refuge. Primal Wisdom dictates that "There are NO shortcuts in life" but ironically every time we happen to chance upon one, we hesitantly stop and ponder our options. Sometimes I wonder whether the malice that overwhelms our societies is vigorously fashioned by this perpetual, foolish & abysmal pursuit of the highly elusive “Shortcut”.

Hard work scares everyone.

Wouldn’t you rather mint money in the luxury of your pleasure dorm than toil under the blazing sun?

Wouldn’t you rather amass the swift riches than wait ages for your just dues?

Wouldn’t you rather swindle the poor soul than labor under a tyrant boss?

Wouldn't you rather live the Good life than gawk at it on the telly?

It takes a minute to kill your conscience, your faith, your morals and your principles..

It takes a minute to become the eternal hypocrite..

It takes a minute to destroy your fortress of fortitude & perseverance..

It takes a minute to fall into the evil world that you forver abhorred..

Every time I find myself inclining towards one of these “Shortcuts”..

I take a minute to remember that no matter whoever I swindle I can never deceive HIM

I take a minute to reiterate to myself that whatever we do we cannot conceal ourselves from GOD

Not even for a single minute..

Waltz away..

2006-10-04T01:46:00.000+04:00

Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"
Birds singin' in the sycamore trees
Dream a little dream of me

Say nighty-night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
While I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longin' to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

Yes, dream a little dream of me

Broken..

2006-10-03T14:20:00.000+04:00

Rummaging through my memories; I came across a few forgotten treasures..

The person I loved left.
She took with her something.
She took my soul,
trust,
feelings,
love
and mainly my heart.
And Right then and there,
She broke it in front of me too.

The Piano..

2006-10-03T01:33:00.000+04:00

Tastefully painful.. Something that reminds us that Life is Indeed Beautiful...Flashing before our eyes, we should have the time to be thankful to every one we love, and make them feel that you are grateful just by knowing them..

Breathe..

2006-10-02T15:39:00.000+04:00

Maybe its all a figment of your imagination..

You are not as timid as you think
You are not as fragile as you pretend
You are definitely not as hopeless as you deem yourself to be.

Don’t we all linger on to determine our purpose in life?

I have been known to complicate very simple issues. There will always be hindrances to effect your decisions, learn to look beyond them and trust yourself.

If you can’t trust yourself, you have lost and there is indeed NO purpose..

If you have come to realize that you are solely to blame for your current state of being
Don’t shun yourself
Look deep within for the dying flame called hope; fan it, shelter it and make it surge through your body breaking the shackles that hold you back.

Breathe..
Inhale the world..
Exhale your worries..

Rekindle..

2006-09-22T03:43:00.000+04:00

Dubai is my home even though I shall forever be considered an expatriate. Born and bred up here, I associate and adhere myself to this land rather than my native country. Twenty years have elapsed since I last visited my motherland. I have buried the faint memories of my last visit deep within where they are least bothered.

My uncle (Mother’s brother) has suffered a massive stroke, his condition is critical and he needs immediate surgery. The doctors refuse to operate until his condition improves. Surgery in his present condition would mean certain death . My Parents are in tears so are my brother and sister who met him during their visit previous year.

Sadly, I vaguely remember him.

His memories were briefly refreshed by a recent visit of his children to Dubai. I found it astonishing as to how well inform they were of my last visit, my childhood antics, my frequent tomfoolery & tantrums. It moved me when I saw a Home video of faces who I remember to be so young now showing visible signs of old age and pleading me to come visit them before it’s too late.

I was humbled by the fact that even though I distanced myself from them they persisted to keep my memories alive amongst themselves. In light of the current series of events, if ever there was a fool it was me.

One never loses a connection as long as good & happy memories remain, everything else is secondary. With aid of those sweet moments it is possible to rekindle any flame.

I pray my uncle makes a quick recovery and then I shall take a trip to rediscover & rekindle the flame i had foolishly put out..

Rise like the Phoenix

2006-09-18T16:08:00.000+04:00

He has decided to settle for something that is least befitting his caliber, education & experience…I am hurt. He appears optimistic but I know it’s a farce inside he too is devastated.

Dubai is weird place; no matter how long you reside here you are still an expatriate. Loss of employment would mean automatic cancellation of your resident permit. Two-Three months is all the time allotted to unearth a new employer or you are asked to leave.

Two months back he lost his job. It’s been a tough two months for him. I was always proud of his determination to never compromise on the nature of job he aspired. I could never picture him grasping at any job out of desperation or sheer necessity; I thought he would be loyal to the high standards he has set himself and endure these turbulent times.

I have made awful career choices, but I am content with where I stand. It had given me immense joy knowing he was better off.

“Minor Setback” he says and smiles.

It was never the fear of the residence permit that made him concede but rather internal pressure from his peers. The most devious form of pressure where words arent spoken but such an ambiance is created where you intrinsically sense what is desired. Choice or the fake sensation that you have one evaporates. You are annexed and so are your dreams.

Sibling Rivalry has never existed between my brother and me; with us it’s always been sibling camaraderie.

I hope he rises like the phoenix and soar to higher grounds..

Are you having a Perfect Day?

2006-09-17T15:37:00.000+04:00

Long, petulant & hectic hours at work have kept me pre-occupied over the past few days. Slowly but gradually I return to normalcy.

No matter how frustrated and disgruntled I am with work, ironically it does add a sense of purpose to my life. I keep saying within my soul that I want to change but maybe I am just a liar.

Maybe I have developed an invisible attachment with my working habitat and routine, rupturing this bond would petrify my core existence.

Maybe “Change” scares me hence I resort to frail statements to legitimize my predicament.

Sometimes I wonder whether I am as mature as I ought to be.

Lets grade our lives, Lets note down all the stuff that constitutes to our daily essential monotonous routine.
Lets then take a step back and behold various acts we deem important.
Lets be wise. Lets judge us
Lets seek the hindsight to look beyond the peripheral horizon.

Can you laugh at what you see or do you just pretend to be blind and call it “PERFECT”.

P.S I am still laughing..

Poison..

2006-09-07T12:22:00.000+04:00

They say the darkness engulfing me is due to a devious poison harming my existence..

A poison that surges through the intricate system of my life form providing sustenance to feeble values & artificial ethics much adored by me.

A poison that helps me to co-exist in a tranquil state with my soul but creates crevices with those around me.

A poison that guards my fortress of fortitude.

A poison that bestows onto me mental presence and true bliss.

I have eradicated this seed of obliteration within me.

I have imprisoned my former resolute, idiotic self deep within the dungeons of my fortress of wisdom.

I have finally attained the admiration I forever sought..

Alas!

I have killed my free will..

I have killed my free will..

I have killed my free will..

You will be dearly missed sweet friend..

He..

2006-08-31T12:27:00.000+04:00

A lone desolate figure sulks within the confinement of his prison; darkness engulfs him as his desperation ensues havoc on his morbid soul. Lost in thoughts, he ponders..

He is guilty of clutching onto the past, broken promises and missed opportunities.
He is culpable of caring excessively for matters deemed trivial by others.
He is discontent with his incessant cultural strife, a social recluse by choice.
He is carrier of a meager load and confuses it to be a heavy burden.

He needs therapy. What is therapy?
It’s a sign that social alienation has succeeded in creating alarming despondency.
It’s a sign that an entity audible to our tribulations is required.
It’s a sign that we have messed up our purpose in life so bad that we need others to sort it.

He needs courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.
He needs courage to be able to sacrifice what we he is for what he could become.
He needs courage to go against the dominant thinking of his culture.
He needs courage to go from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.

A SHADY friend for torrid days
Is easier to find
Than one of higher temperature
For frigid hour of mind.

He closes his eyes and murmurs to his soul..

"For all I ought to have thought, and have not thought; all I ought to have said, and have not said; all I ought to have done, and have not done; I pray to thee God for forgiveness."

Dark..

2006-08-30T11:54:00.000+04:00

Dark is the poison; flow morbidly through my veins..

Dark is the rage; shred mercilessly the hypocrisy that surrounds...

Dark is the hour; approach silently with anomalous intent..

Dark is the depth; fall fiercely to damnation that awaits..

Dark is the heart and its abode..

Dark is the death and its blissful solitude..

Lost..

2006-08-20T17:50:00.000+04:00

I share a love-hate relationship with my work. An imprisoned bird yearns for freedom to feel the wind rustle its feathers. Honestly, I adore what I do. I find the experience to be enriching and exceedingly stimulating. Sadly, there are days when I abhor the whole activity.

Is it imperative to attach purpose to our line of work?

Isn’t sustenance purpose enough?

How do you liberate your senses to think beyond the superficial scope of your work?

I have never really grasped the idea of self-growth and how it’s associated with our careers. People advice me about my naiveness and warn me against the impending consequences.My fault lies in my negativity to their concerns.

It has been a horrid day at work.Such days have considerably increased recently.

I have just scribbled this..

"Deep within the conscience of my soul lies awake an immortal parody, disconsolate of my surroundings but amorous to my desires. It breathes my will and exhales my life. It shatters my solitude and seeks perfection from my morbid existence. Granting solace, comfort and respite from external prejudice. Victoriously rising to my swansong of forgotten bliss."

I need help… I hope I can make it through the week and not fall victim to the dark void.

Keep me in your prayers.

Seeking Closure..

2006-08-18T20:32:00.000+04:00

Standing Alone is a difficult task. It is a frightening experience which can alter our absolute outlook of life. It is un-relinquishing struggle that consumes our fortitude to succeed. I have stood within the abyss of my soul; Panicking as I face my worst fears, often contemplating measures which would exhibit my inner frailty rather than valor.

Suicide is an act of cowardice. Twice the thought came to my mind. First, when I betrayed a friend of course remorse inevitably followed but the damage was done and a True friend lost. Second, when a friend betrayed me and I eternally lingered for an apology which never came instead I was greeted with additional misery and ridicule of mislaid trust.

How low do we have to sink to realize that no one will assist our emergence?

Who do you turn to when you are disregarded by those you deemed closest?

How do you pacify the turbulence within your essence, a turmoil that has no earthly purpose but is simply an incarnation of your insane thoughts?

My Mantra: Patience, Silence, Tranquility & Contentment.

Patience in escalating commotion breeds a comprehensive state of Silence.
Silence leads to Tranquility.
Tranquility persists to reward True Contentment.

Life is not as complicated as how we perceive it. The trick is to realize this soon.

From the heart..

2006-08-13T22:55:00.000+04:00

I wish i could have been there to witness this joyous occasion...

To My Best Friend on his wedding...

Mustafa & Fatima,

Best Wishes
on Your Marriage

Though time can change
so many things,
May this one thing be true...

That time
will never change the love
Between the both of you.

Happiness Always
in Your New Life Together

In the fairy tale of life...
...may this be
your happily-ever-after.

Congratulations once again
on Your Marriage

I Recommend : Dear Frankie

2006-08-13T18:12:00.000+04:00

Frankie is a nine-year-old boy (Jack McElhone) with one great joy in his life: corresponding with his father, a naval petty officer. The letters have defined and improved his life. Deaf, he barely speaks. In his letters he reads in a gentle, confident Scottish brogue. He devours books on marine life; a large map of his father’s travels dominates his bedroom; and he declines fish with his chips. Though he’s sick of moving, this town is different. It’s by the sea.

In truth, Frankie’s father is in Scotland, gravely ill. His life at sea was concocted by Frankie’s mother, Lizzie (Emily Mortimer), to keep the real, landlocked father out of their lives. We don’t know much about Frankie’s dad, only that he caused the boy’s deafness and is so despicable that Lizzie, her mother, and Frankie raise stakes frequently to maintain their distance.

Lizzie’s web of lies is meant to comfort her, as well as Frankie. “It’s the only time I get to hear his voice,” Lizzie says of Frankie’s letters, every one of which she answers. The facade looks certain to crumble when Frankie’s father’ s alleged ship -- Lizzie chose the boat from a stamp -- actually makes a visit to their town. Desperate to keep the dream alive for her son, Lizzie finds a rugged stranger (Gerard Butler) to play the role of Frankie’s dad for a weekend.

It's hard to imagine this story actually happening, but it's also hard to imagine it being told with such sensitivity and lack of mawkishness, thanks to director Shona Auberbach. Yes, she does lard the soundtrack with too many marginal pop songs, but she gets tender, sometimes surprising performances out of her leads. The pretty Mortimer and the rough, yet tender Butler navigate their character's shaky waters. Questions of why this stranger would accept such an odd job is answered not by the eventual revealing of his identity, but by Butler 's dewy charm, as if he enjoys having a son, even for one day. Mortimer gives us a mother who is doing the best she can under less-than-ideal parental circumstances, so not only don't we blame her, we sympathize with what she's awkwardly trying to achieve. Even when the real father briefly enters the picture, at an extremely schematic moment, we still buy it. In fact, despite the overly plotted nature of the entire story, we buy all of it. Because it's told with intelligence, humor and tenderness. Dear Frankie , a winner at the Los Angeles Film Festival, avoids big, Hollywood emotions and tells its small tale in a small way. It's a poignant film well worth a look.

Rating : 8/10
Running Time: 100 mins
Trailer Link: Dear Frankie

A Gem by Emily..

2006-08-12T19:45:00.000+04:00

I MEASURE every grief I meet
With analytic eyes;
I wonder if it weighs like mine,
Or has an easier size.

I wonder if they bore it long,
Or did it just begin?
I could not tell the date of mine,
It feels so old a pain.

I wonder if it hurts to live,
And if they have to try,
And whether, could they choose between,
They would not rather die.

I wonder if when years have piled—
Some thousands—on the cause
Of early hurt, if such a lapse
Could give them any pause;

Or would they go on aching still
Through centuries above,
Enlightened to a larger pain
By contrast with the love.

The grieved are many, I am told;
The reason deeper lies,—
Death is but one and comes but once,
And only nails the eyes.

There ’s grief of want, and grief of cold,—
A sort they call “despair”;
There ’s banishment from native eyes,
In sight of native air.

And though I may not guess the kind
Correctly, yet to me
A piercing comfort it affords
In passing Calvary,

To note the fashions of the cross,
Of those that stand alone,
Still fascinated to presume
That some are like my own.

It's..

2006-08-12T15:21:00.000+04:00

It’s been a week of bitter farewells..
My Closest & Dearest Friend is getting married this week. It was idyllic to drive about town distributing his wedding invitations & little boxes of sweets. The night before his departure we were having “Shisha” at our favorite spot catching up on old times. We both know things would be different once he returns. His social prerogatives, responsibilities and general perception about life would change. Superficially we would still be friends but a sudden emergence of an invisible divide would drift us apart.

“Get Married Dude!!” was his last friendly advice.

It’s been a week of inhibited sorrow..
The higher you climb the corporate ladder, the more your family life suffers. Success comes at a price and somewhere along the strenuous journey you have to decide where your allegiance lies. “The Devil wears Prada” portrays this debacle brilliantly. In a marriage of two successful individuals the question arises as to who compromises. Relentless Pursue of our dreams can be misleading; maybe this chase might end up as a farce as we ourselves are not aware of our true happiness. Sometimes its too late when we realize what really makes us happy and complete.

A very dear, young & successful couple is seeking divorce, as both of them are not ready to jeopardize their careers for the sake of a family. Someday they will have to explain to their young daughter why they preferred to split..

It’s been a week of awakening…
I have stepped out of my cocoon and am prepared to accept the world as it materializes. There is no reason to wait around for things to reorganize themselves into a sequential pattern of your preference sometimes haphazard is beautiful. There is no explanation in lamenting over trivial grievances & minor hindrances that our faulty vision perceives as mountains.

The Rebel within..

2006-08-06T13:28:00.000+04:00

We are what we choose. Our alternatives are arranged before us to observe scrupulously. We can either conform to our typical, monotonous style of subsistence or rebel to discover something which we appreciate.

We sense the culture we breathe in is a bane and dismissive of our ideals. The people around us fail to recognize our potential and endless possibilities perpetually stay unknown. The present state of affairs will forever exist and that perfect day which we desperately seek will never arrive. It is never easy to rebel. Numerous circumstances cloud our judgment and avert us from doing so. It is very easy to curse fate and shamelessly drop our heads.

Where do we stand?

Do we conceal our flaws and inability to act by blaming Fate? Are you not the Master of your Fate?

Why don't we learn to play with the cards we are dealt?

Why do we squander time in condemning the dealer rather than utilizing it for our own benefits?

Sulking is for the faint hearted. We have two distinct choices, either liberate the Rebel within or shut up and obey the rules of our pathetic existence.

Zing-er Supreme Macho Man

2006-08-05T14:03:00.000+04:00

Slamming doors is a sign of immaturity; I desperately make an effort to corrent myself. I pledge I will never consent to anger conquering me but I always waver. Universal Truth I have discovered: If you speak when you are angry, you will probably make the best speech you will forever regret.

Do you ever feel you become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora's box of all the secret hateful parts -- your arrogance, your spite, your condescension -- has sprung open. Someone provokes you, and instead of just smiling and moving on, you zing them. Hello, it's Mr. Nasty.

When I am angry, I either retire to solitude of the beach or put on my trainers and start jogging. I jog briskly stomping the ground, breathing heavily and accelerating. After awhile I halt to catch my breath, I clasp my knees as I bend and ponder on the recent chain of events. I am quick to forget and first to apologize, whenever I have an argument at home and I storm out I always come back with a box of ice cream. The Free ice cream treats have spoilt my sister, once I returned without any; she just stared at me as she opened the door..
“What no Ice cream?” she inquired
“ No Forgiveness for you!!” She remarked in pure Soup Nazi dialect
“Go Get some” she ordered as she shut the door on my face

My manic anger therapy jogs once resulted in a most embarrassing moment.

After about 30 minutes of sporadic & frantic running surprisingly I was jogging along side a female jogger. I was striving hard to maintain my oozing machismo but it was proving difficult to keep pace with her. We had our hellos and were conversing about the weather and how humid it was – typical jogger chitchat.

HER: "Don’t you just love this side of the park"
ME: "Yes its beautiful" *breathing heavily*
HER:"I always come to this park as I find it very scenic"
ME:"Yes" *slowly losing energy*
HER: "Its so lovely to jog here, I hate it in the morning when its hot.. Its much better in the night"
ME: "Yes" "signs showing that I am struggling*
HER: "Yes?? Yes what? Are you alright?"
ME: "Yes Superb"
HER: "You seem to be panting, do you want me to slow down"
ME: "Its either that or you will have to carry me"

She laughed and we started walking.. a pace I was so much comfortable with :)

ME: "I have had a long day"
HER: "Of course you have"
ME: "No really it’s been tiring day and besides it’s humid too"
HER: "Of course it is"
ME: "I just wanted you to know that"
HER: "Of course you did"
ME: "Are you being sarcastic?"
HER: "Of course not"
ME: "Alright!! You are much fitter than me. It was hard for me to keep up. Now you happy!!"
HER: "Of course I am"

Mr. Macho Man Zinged Supremely :)

Tag along..

2006-08-02T15:24:00.000+04:00

I got tagged by mnm310.. here is my confession

* Alone, or with people?

There is difference between Loneliness & solitude:

Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self.

I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. The Thoughtful soul to the solitude retires.

Isnt Man a Social Animal?

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

...love from one being to another can only be that two solitudes come nearer, recognize and protect and comfort each other. There are moments when we all need somebody with whom we can speak of our deepest concerns, and who do not fear to speak the truth to us. It seems to me that trying to live alone is like milking a bear to get cream for your morning coffee. It is a whole lot of trouble, and then not worth much after you get it.

* Summer, or winter?

I am bored & weary of everything summer has to offer.

I want to skate on the frozen lakes of Mystery, Alaska. Have snow fights and make snow angels :)

* Black, or white?

Black: Mysterious & elegant.

* Observe, or get along from the very first moment

Content to observe but eager to socialize..

* Clown, or Drama (Queen/King)?

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go
I strive to be the former.

* A Hummer, or A BMW convertible car

If I consider the car as a mode of transportation I don’t bother about the trade name as long as it gets me from Point A to Point B with ease & comfort. If I were to consider it a status symbol then Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano to emphasize POWER & Bentley Continental GT to underline elegance.

For the two choices I have… BMW M3 Convertible please :)

* Loyal or………

Unless you can find some sort of loyalty, you cannot find unity and peace in your active living. Oscar wilde said.. If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.. that’s loyalty J

* Favorite Material Posession....

My ring.. My wrist Kara (something like a bangle but more broad).. My Collection of Poetry..

* When I look at someone, the first thing I see is....

Their Smile.. A smile is the light in the window of your face that tells people you're at home. A smile is the universal welcome. "Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day".

* My life is....

My candle burns at both its ends;
It will not last the night;
But oh, my foes, and oh, my friends --
It gives a lovely light.

My life is just a chance to grow a soul. When I do breathe my last I hope its not the years in my life that count but the life in my years :)

Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.

Probably, the common aspect in all our lives is the realization that all the things you really want to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening ;)

I pass on the Tag baton to Widad,Sarah and any body who wants to be tagged..

How difficult?

2006-07-31T19:11:00.000+04:00

The sharing of joy, whether physical, emotional, psychic, or intellectual, forms a bridge between the sharers which can be the basis for understanding much of what is not shared between them, and lessens the threat of their difference. This is the birth of True Friendship.

Such a friendship between a man and a woman which does not lead to feelings or desire for feelings may be a life long experience of the greatest value to themselves and to all their circle of acquaintance and of activity; but for this type of friendship both a rare man and a rare woman are needed. Perhaps it should be added that either the man or the woman thus deeply bound in lifelong friendship who seeks marriage must find a still rarer man or woman to wed, to make such a three cornered comradeship a permanent success.

How difficult is it for a man and woman to be close friends and not harbor any feelings for each other?

If you do develop feelings for a close friend and are doubtful that the feelings are mutual would you divulge your thoughts even if you risk destroying your friendship or would you maintain your silence and enjoy their company?

Daftness Personified..

2006-07-31T14:30:00.000+04:00

Daft: An new inclusion to the list of terms used to describe me.

Am I foolish if I refuse to confirm to my cultural stereotype.

I have cynically wagered my freedom against another resolute soul who refuses to settle down. Albeit we both apparently have different reasons for our existing solitary states we both concur that whenever we get hitched its probably going to be due to compromises. Maybe I have bitten off a little more than I can chew but I am certain like all prior wagers I shall emerge victorious. I must agree that losing would be quite expensive on the pocket.

Are we not more responsive on the Internet? Do we have a better opportunity to voice are views knowing full well that the overlaying anonymity will not allow people to judge us on our caste, color, creed or other physical attributes. The said anonymity also serves as a dilemma during establishing a relationship over the Internet, as one can never be sure how genuine the other person is. Internet Relationships as beautiful as they are, there is always a bridge to cross if you are going to make them work. Some falter during the crossing others are too timid to take the risk.

Don’t all relationships carry some amount of risk? Maybe that’s the proverbial thinking of someone suffering from relationship phobia. It’s a very frightening term, which holds deep implications. Sometimes you try to fool yourself by setting high criterions and lofty ideals but isn’t that an approach of denying your irrational fear.

I was suggested many times to check out marriage sites. I feel flattered that people care about me and think it’s in my best interests to settle down. Do they feel I am an anti-social hermit, a cultural anomaly or as lately so eloquently pointed out just “DAFT”.

I always wonder what leads to people posting on such sites. Is it shear despondency, desperation or a last attempt to finally get lucky?

Burnt..

2006-07-30T15:23:00.000+04:00

29th July 2006, I should be awarded for surviving the hottest day in Dubai this year. It was an excruciating and utterly uncomfortable experience. No matter what the Met Department says the temperature was well above 45 Degrees and the humidity levels were soaring. A strong gush of hot air was blowing up a sandstorm. Visibility was low and the immense heat intensity was piercing the eyes. Proper Protective Clothing was imperative. It was just my luck to be out there with no shade in sight. I was clad in semi-Bedouin attire; white cloth covering my head and sunglasses protecting my eyes. I was perspiring buckets and regularly in taking water. It was difficult to stand, let alone work in this torment.

I took a sip of water and handed the bottle to my colleague Shashi. He held the bottle briefly and collapsed instantly. I yelled for help. I immediately removed the cloth covering my head, moistened it and tried to cool Shashi. I tried to revive him back to consciousness and slightly panicked, as he was not responding to my voice. As more people came, we picked him and ran towards the closest visible vehicle. Aslam Bhai, an experienced Forklift Operator, had seen the incident and he came running towards us with a pack of ice. We got him into the back seat and Aslam bhai told us to strip him and then he began to apply the ice pack to Shashi’s groin and armpits. He asked us to keep his leg elevated and ordered the driver to proceed quickly to the hospital.Its strange how quiet you become when you are helpless. Weird thoughts start crossing your mind and you try to maintain your composure. I just prayed that nothing terrible happened to shashi. I hated myself for not going along with him to the hospital. I had my work obligations *grr*

Three more people apart from Shashi collapsed due to extreme dehydration or Heatstroke. We dispatched them swiftly to the hospital and continued slogging. When you are in the logistics business the work never ceases, as “Time is Money”.

I think I have over tanned myself and need a few days to recuperate.

I wish it would rain so as to ease our agony.

I wish the air-conditioning went kaput in the High-rise buildings so these tyrants who exploit the poor labor can savor this living hell.

I checked up on Shashi today. Him and the others are doing well. They have earned a well-deserved rest. I heard on the Radio that August is going to be hotter. Temperatures are expected to reach above 50 Degrees. It’s going to be a tough month… I hope I don’t get Burnt.

Wonder Years...

2006-07-27T20:48:00.000+04:00

My Neighborhood is decimating, as I grow up. Constructions mar all my childhood playgrounds. Wheels of progress & development are in motion. I had hoped to revisit these places when I was old & grey perhaps to reminisce on those wonder years. There is going to be nothing to return to now. Everything that could be associated with my youth has vanished. Ironically, the only remaining object was the one I had despised the most: My junior high school.

A few months ago it was demolished too. A couple of my friends decided to pay a last visit to the old structure. We had detested greatly coming here every morning and now as we stood before it we were overcome with emotions. A brief stroll down the empty corridors brought back memories. We pointed out places where we executed various pranks & monkey business. We tried to remember the names of our teachers and searched frantically for walls where we had scribbled our initials. We actually cried as we walked by the principal’s office. He was a stern man who was always warranting discipline from the students. He had given us numerous scary moments when we were vigilantly evading him as we skipping classes or just loitering around the school. We missed those days. It was intended to be a ten-minute tour but we stayed for well over an hour.

The more we grow older the more we learn how beautiful our childhood was. We all carry a part of our childhood within us. Maybe it’s a place or an object but whatever it is we embrace it very dearly for it reminds us of those wonder years..

We all fall down..

2006-07-25T16:52:00.000+04:00

My definition of family includes all close kin of my parents. I have a large family and while superficially we are immensely congruous & cohesive; various differences do exist within.

When necessities & individual egos within a family reach colossal stature a clash is imminent; such a conflict in turn would lay the entire family in ruins. Yearning for wealth triggers mostly all feuds. It’s justly said, “Money is the root of all evil”. You can comprehend some reasoning whereas others are better classified as idiocy.

It is difficult to maintain a neutral stance when a dispute begins. Any appeal for tranquility is often lost on deaf ears. With raised voices consumed with malice, malignant words are bellowed which are always regretted afterwards. For those who hold an unbiased position this serves as a disturbing spectacle unfortunately they are unable to interfere and impede the bickering. Occasionally the spats are over such trivial issues that you feel like weeping over the depravity of those involved. God having created us never promised a trouble-free & effortless life instead he reiterated to turn to him in our hour of need and he will unquestionably assist us. Our despondency makes us utter absurd gibberish. I have heard such sacrilegious phrases, which have stunned me and compelled me to solicit forgiveness on their behalf. When matters get out of hand I withdraw to solitary seclusion underneath the night sky to find my peace.

I try..

2006-07-23T18:05:00.000+04:00

IF I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

Sometimes we experience severe hopelessness at the hands of fate. There is no righteousness in tragic endings but we lack the authority to amend them. We learn to live on..

Pocketful of memories..

2006-07-22T15:34:00.000+04:00

Family reunions constantly dole out a nostalgic extravaganza for the young generation. It’s marvelous to know that our parents had their fair share of frivolity & tomfoolery while growing up. For as long as I can remember my father has never squandered a photogenic opportunity. Any get-together or jamboree irrespective of the size he was always clicking away. The outcome was generally amateurish snapshots nevertheless after all these years when we glance back at those photographs we are overcome with emotions. We gaze at how we have grown physically, shed a tear for those who have passed away and try to reminisce the moment when the shot was taken.

Old Photographs generate mix responses within people. Some are grateful for what they have accomplished, some ponder over how age has caught up to them while others just desire to return to better times. Its frightening to accept crude reality; perhaps we are embarrassed or just not courageous but the perpetual truth is that “Its never too late”. Sometimes an old photograph is all you need to make you remember that this is not how you intended to end up.

Now that he is retired, my Dad plans to sort out his photograph collection, which is very tedious work.

“Why do you fancy doing it?” I asked him.
“It’s been a wonderful life. This my feeble attempt at reliving it again” He replied.

How would you arrange your collection? Would you sort them chronologically or would you segregate those that invoke various emotions within you? Would you tear those that are spiteful and prefer those that are pleasant?

Our own pocketful of memories..

You are invited..

2006-07-19T10:12:00.000+04:00

There comes a time when your mom looks at you and gives that look, you instantly know it means trouble. She saunters up to you and the first word that spouts out of her mouth is “Marriage”. You are conscious it’s going to be a lengthy conversation and almost certainly something that you will not appreciate. Don’t get me wrong here; someday I do hope to get married but that day is definitely not in the immediate future.

Some social gatherings you look forward to and others you steer clear of. I am not anti-social but there are some groups that I absolutely hate being a part of. I reckon the MOTHER network works best during social gatherings. Advertising has become an integral part of marriage arrangements. A Typical “Headhunter” can generate a whole list of probable spouses in a flicker. Gatherings are a good opportunity for mothers to update their list and see what’s on display. This unquestionably means that if a mother were searching for someone for her son she would absolutely have to put her son on the pedestal. I like parades they have their charm but I loathe being paraded myself. I abhor being single out in the middle of the room and being pointed out “Look that’s him”. I detest being critique over my form and style.

The scary part is that sometimes mothers use male family members to probe the potential suitor. It’s a worrisome occurrence. As you are seated on the floor amongst other complete strangers you have to maintain your cool & composure. You get startled by the casual greeting and start to think twice when someone introduces himself. Is this going to be an impromptu interview session? I try to keep conversation to a minimal in such gatherings and mostly try to retire with folks I know.

Friend: “Word on the street is that your mom is looking?”
Me: “How do you know”
Friend: “My mom” *smiles* “I think she is pretty serious this time”
Me: “Yeah!! I think my goose is cooked”
Friend: “Man!! You are pathetic, “Marriage-Phobia” that’s what you are suffering from. Don’t you know marriage is bliss” *laughs* "Are you marriage-phobic" *stares at me*

Me: "Negative!! Ofcourse not" *looking bewildered*

Friend: "What are you waiting for?"

Me: "Perfect Stranger"

Discover Me.

2006-07-18T10:22:00.000+04:00

Three Bottles of Mineral Water, Two cans of energy drink and I still felt dehydrated. Sitting in an air-conditioned room I was perspiring incessantly. “Why is it so Hot” “Isn’t the A/C not functioning,” I kept shouting. They figured the only way to shut me up was to send me home hence I was given the day off. My body ached, as I lay in bed, unable to sleep and dazed. Gypsy Kings, Nusrat, Abeda all had their chance but to no avail; none of them soothed my restlessness. I turned to read and stumbled upon this..

I ’M nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there ’s a pair of us—don’t tell!
They ’d banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

On reading the above lines one fathoms the central theme declares being a Nobody is a luxury incomprehensible to the dreary Some bodies--for they are too busy keeping their names in circulation, croaking like frogs in a swamp in the summertime. You might call it a playful attempt at defending the kind of spiritual privacy some people favor.

But to ME this poem is about discovering someone who is comparable to you. Together, the two nobodies can enjoy each other's company and their shared anonymity. As a pair, they aren't really “nobodies” anymore. It’s about the satisfaction of having a friend who understands you and accepts you as you are. This contentment is more important than being admired by a lot of people or being in the "in" crowd.

I think all of us are nobodies till we discover what we really searching for..

Long walks & Pirates..

2006-07-16T10:45:00.000+04:00

I strolled along the beach with Emily, her words ringing in my head.

HEART, we will forget her!
You and I, to-night!
You may forget the warmth she gave,
I will forget the light.

I have successfully convinced myself that I have moved on and the days of my youth & adolescence are over and I have matured. I have taken that step away from my world of dreams into the realm of reality. I often ask myself if there exists a shred of optimism within me. Sure, I am optimist like any other person, cynically optimist :)

My brother lost his job recently. One moment he was swiftly climbing up the corporate ladder, the next moment he was being laid off. His eventual coerced resignation has shocked him but he has taken it within his stride and is more determine than ever. The closest person to me is my brother and vice versa. There has never existed any sibling rivalry between us and we readily confide our deepest thoughts & worries to each other. It pains me to see him so depressed but I am confident that he will end up with something better.

I wanted to cheer him up so I dragged him along to see the new “Pirates of the Caribbean “ movie. It was highly recommended by someone whose opinions I begun to value a lot. As we sat through that torture we wanted it end abruptly, it was horrific. When you find out at the end that what you've just seen is merely the overture to yet another sequel, you can't help wondering what more can be extracted from this franchise. Gold, me hearties, more gold! Although there are memorable bits and pieces, the new “Pirates of the Caribbean” is a movie with no particular interest in coherence, economy or feeling. When we walked out of the cinema we remembered “The Goonies”; now that was an amazing movie.

Let Peace Prevail..

2006-07-15T11:30:00.000+04:00

As the Israeli attacks against Lebanon intensifies, a thought goes out for Lebanese people trapped in this latest onslaught. I called up my closest Lebanese friend, Hassan, only to find out that he too is in Lebanon with his family. His mother was delighted to hear from me but at the same time distraught at the state of affairs in South Lebanon. Hassan & me became good friends during my third university Semester as we both shared a few subjects. I remembered coming back to his house and how warmly his family had greeted me, a complete stranger, as one of their own. The walls of his room were adorned with various photographs of Hezbollah Resistance Movement. He was very passionate about the Hezb and always dreamed about fighting amongst their ranks. I asked his mom for his number in Lebanon; it was good to hear his voice again and assuring to know he was safe. We spoke about the situation and how close to the bombing he was. I asked him to come back as it was the sensible thing to do.

He replied defiantly "You want me to desert my country in its hour of need, don’t you know me Man!"

It seemed like Dejavu, it felt I was still in his room and was he lecturing me about the movement. I smiled and begged him to keep safe. I hope this senseless conflict comes to a quick end as innocent people are bound to suffer most. Hezbollah have attacked an Israeli warship this will lead to serious repercussions that would cause useless civilian casualties.

Allama Hassan Tarabi was also assassinated in Karachi. He was approaching his house in Abbas Town when the bomber approached him and detonated his device. Police said the attacker was killed in the blast and parts of his body were found at the scene. I hope this doesn’t lead to a sea of sectarian violence that has besieged the Metropolis city in the past.

The Kid

2006-07-13T11:12:00.000+04:00

Nobody ever grows up quite like they imagined. Do you remember what you wanted to be when you were young? If an eight year old version of ourselves were to mysteriously appear would the kid appreciate what we have become. The only thing bothering you at that age is Math Assignments :)

Once we embark on REAL life we discover its a whole new ball game. As we grow older we just bury our inner child amongst all the worries that we continuously take upon our shoulders. We kill our dreams, aspirations and forget how to enjoy life. Every morning we just lie in our beds sulking over the new day and are never eager to initiate the monotonous routine again. But if we look real hard into the mirror we shall still see that little child looking back at us, inquiring if we are happy now and do we remember all the promises we made to our self.

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I was eight but I do remember I wanted to always smile at the face of any adversity…and I carry on doing so :)

Value Friendship..

2006-07-12T11:31:00.000+04:00

To err is human. We often do things, which we consider to be insignificant, but as time flows by we gradually understand the seriousness of our act. We try our best to repent and implore the hands of time to roll back to the moment where we made the blunder. Broken hearts mend with time but trust of True friend lost can never be earned back. We often fail to realize who are True Friends are? What is their true worth? Superficial things cloud our judgments and we fall short in seeing the true gem that lies within.

True friendship consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and value.

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

I lost such a friend due my own idiocy, though we are still in touch I feel that the trust has vanished and we are just hollow bodies. The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention…. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.

So I devote this Post to you Rabs and I hope you comprehend how remorseful & repentant I am. The Splendor of our friendship was not your outstretched hand, nor your kindly smile, nor the joy of your companionship; it was the spiritual inspiration that came to me when I discovered that someone else believes in me and is willing to trust me with friendship.

Stupid Interviews..

2006-07-11T14:38:00.000+04:00

Everyone ought to have a blog or a live journal. They should enter within their essence. When the time comes I suggest they should suitably exchange the blog with any possible, would be spouse. It would be much easier than all those annoying interviews one has to sit through.

You are clad up in your best set of clothes sitting in an unfamiliar surrounding where all the eyes are gawking you. You dare not move as the twitching might make them take more notice. Intense suffocation follows when all of a sudden you are bombarded with queries like “How successful are you?” “What have you accomplished in your life till now” “Where do you see yourself going”. We all have a hard time in briefly summarizing ourselves in a few sentences. It’s hard to explain how we all perceive success differently and not all of us measure it in terms of how much fame and wealth one has accumulated. I consider success has touched all of us but only we alone can sense it.

Exchanging this collection of thoughts & dreams is a better approach for both of them to have a closer look at what the other person is all about and if there is any possibility of sparks flying :)Would be much easier also; instead of all the formalities you would just email the url of your blog and wait for appropriate comments :)

Grand Finale..

2006-07-10T11:54:00.000+04:00

My Brother was overcome with tears of joy. My Sister was shrieking at the top of her voice. Their Team was now Champions of the World. I have never come across more passionate non-Italian supporters than these two.They have waited a long time for their team to finally taste glory. My Hearty Congratulation to them and Italy.

My Dad screamed at the top of his voice as he called the Italians “Cheats”. And as tempers flared over petty things, my mom laughed away in the corner. The World cup Final always seems to bring our household together. There is always a very enthusiastic & vocal crowd at our house and we argue over every whistle. The Final was a high drama affair and there were many points to squabble about.

“There goes Zidane’s Golden Ball.” yelled my brother.

“He thinks he is a Bull and this is bull fight.” added my cousin.

“Italians are cheaters and foul masters” screamed my dad.

“I will go bald if Barthez saves a single penalty” I humbly added.

“Its ONLY a game!! Lets not lose our tempers” my mom’s simple advice.

“In your face FRANCE” screamed my brother as the last penalty went in.

“AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH” the Italians contingents shrieked.

*Sound of vigorous applause and cheering* as Cannavaro lifts the World Cup.

It’s been a great World cup and finally as my mom says “Things will return to normalcy.”

Deserving World Champions

2006-07-10T10:06:00.000+04:00

Fireworks proclaiming a fourth FIFA World Cup for Italy exploded into the black skies above the Olympiastadion as the Azzurri party began, leaving France – and a disconsolate Zinedine Zidane – to their own thoughts.

What an occasion the 18th Final produced with excitement at the start and incredible drama at the end as Zidane, on his farewell to the game he has graced for so long with his graceful skill, was shown the red card. On it went to a penalty showdown and five unerring Italian spot-kicks delivered them the title of world champions, with David Trezeguet the luckless player to miss. With Fabio Grosso converting, his country edged one Trophy behind Brazil in the pantheon of FIFA World Cup winners.

Zidane will remember this night for as long as he lives. France had promised to repeat their success of 1998 for their retiring captain and only he will know what possessed him when he thrust his forehead into the chest of Marco Materazzi. Zidane had to go, accompanied down the tunnel by the glare of thousands and thousands of flash bulbs and the tears of the legions of French supporters.

My Best Friend's Wedding..

2006-07-09T19:03:00.000+04:00

A Married Man is a special breed; he enters into a realm that is very alien to the bachelor psyche.

My Best Friend is getting married in August. I am so happy for him as he has found his perfect soul mate. Soon he also will be component of a happily married couple and initiate to socialize amongst other happily married couples ONLY. In Bachelor lingo he would have MOVED ON.

Deep inside me I sense it’s my first day of school and every one around me is a stranger who I have nothing in common with. I miss my friends who have graduated Bachelorhood High and progressed on to sterner tests that marriage holds.

It sometimes feels very despicable to live a life of a bachelor amongst your married mates. You struggle to maintain your decorum while you beseech for an invitation whenever one wants to spend an evening in company. You don’t blame your friends for deserting you on the contrary you are at fault for not taking that next essential step. You merely admire other people’s children and just yearn for a few of your own.

What burns me more is the fact that I wont be able to attend his big day because of my work commitments.

I wish him the best of luck and success for his impending nuptials. I hope that one day when I tie the knot with my perfect soul mate *sighs* I too would have moved on..

I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You

2006-07-08T16:05:00.000+04:00

I drink goodcoffee every morning
It comes from a place thats far away
And when I'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say

Don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
Is that if I lived till I was a hundred and two
I just dont think I'll ever get over you

I'm no longer moved to drink strong whiskey
I shook the hand of time and I knew
that if I lived till I could no longer climb my stairs
I just dont think I'll ever get over you

Your face it dances andit haunts me
your laughter is still ringing in my ears
I still find peices of your prescence here
even after all these years

I don't want you thinking that i dont get asked to dinner
cause I'm here to say that I sometimes do
and even though I may seem to feel a touch of love
I just dont think I'll ever get over you

if I live till I was a hundred and two
I just dont think I'll ever get over you

Simply Beautiful..

A Little Difference..

2006-07-08T14:49:00.000+04:00

The Rear glass of my car shattered because of the heat. The sound was so loud that I heard it in my office. We all rushed out dreading that maybe its some horrible calamity. The majority of those gathered saw the funnier side of it but I stood dazed. Firstly, I felt annoyed at the damage and secondly the Heat that encircled me was making me extremely uncomfortable. The temperature for the day, according to the weather department, was 45 Degree Celsius (113 Degree Fahrenheit) but it felt like it was 50 plus. The Heat was so intense that it was difficult to open my eyes. All the laborers working had their faces wrapped around with a wet cloth and they could be exempted for working slowly. To work in this heat is a crime on humanity.

As the Skyscrapers in Dubai go up and the city becomes the NEW Tourist Hotspot those who toil hard to make this transition come true are often forgotten. I saw a French Documentary once about the maltreatment of the laborers in the Labor Camps of Dubai, it was very thought provoking. I myself have visited the same site and many other sites like that where the living conditions are appalling. With the western media now starting to take notice and the general public outcry, the Government is starting to take steps to curtail such practices. But the job at hand is very huge and there are very few people who work pro-actively for this cause.

My brother & me went out to these labor camps to distribute some food. On seeing those residing there we felt ashamed that we had brought so little. And all of them had woeful stories and desires of reuniting with the loved ones they left behind. They had come here for a better tomorrow, now all they have are the blissful memories of the past. While returning from the camp it felt good inside that we had done our part to make a little difference to their lives.

Are we in trouble now?

2006-07-06T14:12:00.000+04:00

It wasn't just the music
It wasn't just the wine
Some other kind of magic
Sending Shivers up my spine
Then I was falling
And I fell for you, and how
Darling, are we in trouble now

They say we're grown up
But we've been searching all this time
I wouldn't own up
Never would admit to flying blind
But in the Darkness
We found each other anyhow
Darling, are we in trouble now

When we'd talk it over
Love was a cry from a distant shore
Then we found each other
And all that we'd been searching for

And I'm done denying
I guess by now you know
I'm through with trying
Can't bring myself to let you go
And of all these feelings
We said we never would allow
Darling, are we in trouble now

Somethings are never meant to be yet we can never stop ourselves..

The Real Truth

2006-07-06T09:35:00.000+04:00

He held his hand and stroked it gently. He felt the wrinkles as he caressed the skin. The Face had aged but it appeared so serene. He remember the day this man helped him ride his bicycle, work with him on his Math Homework, showed him how to tie a tie knot; the memories just kept flowing in as his thoughts slowly drifted towards the bad times between the two of them. The needless bickering over pointless matters. He remembered the tone of his voice. It was very high and how he regretted that today. How immature and foolish he felt now? How apologetic and repentant he felt inside.

The Man on the bed gently opened his eyes.

“Zahid is that you!!”

"Yes!! Dad it’s me”

A faint smile came across the face of the old man.

"Zahid I am sorry if I ever hurt you. I tried my best to be a good father. Forgive me”

With those words all the ill feelings Zahid harbored within himself drowned. He was overcome with emotions. Things were clearer now.

“What are you saying Dad!! Don’t say such things. I want you to get well soon so we can go for that trip you always talked about”

“Which trip? The one you thought was boring”

“I think its not going to be so boring after all”

Sometimes we don’t realize what things are truly precious to us. No matter how successful we become we can never undermine the love & caring our parents put into our upbringing. There are always differences but if we have really matured we shall never let them overshadow our affection towards our parents.

I almost lost my father and that experience has made me treasure his presence more. It has given a chance to me to eliminate those differences and show him truthfully that he means a lot to me.

Unsung Melody

2006-07-05T15:22:00.000+04:00

Her Head sulks, a tear appears at the corner of her eye. She reflects upon her keenness and how confident she was that this was IT. Tears began to pour down her cheeks as she began to find her composure. She has to find the strength to get up and open the door & let him know.

As the door opens, his anticipating eyes look for signs of elation on her face. He lingers impatiently as she slowly saunters out. No words are spoken; he glances at her and discerns how brokenhearted she is. He embraces her in his arms and she hides her face in his chest and starts to weep. He places his hand on her head and tries to console her.

“It is not the end, we shall try again”

“Amir, I am tired. It’s been 10yrs. Maybe God hasn’t blessed us with a child”

“Don’t say such things, Zohra. It will happen one day I know it will. We shall carry on trying and pray for his Miracle. Remember most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.”

When does one realize that there is no hope and that it was never meant to be ? How long should the anguish lasts before someone is blessed?

Is this religion?

2006-07-04T11:00:00.000+04:00

Two men stood at the side of the road waving an empty bottle. Thirst was killing them and the Heat was showing no mercy. Because they were poor construction workers motorist just drove by them without given any heed to their plight. As I drove by, I saw it surprising that they waved their bottles, as there was evidently a mosque a few distance behind them. I braked, rolled down the windows and one of them came running up to my car.

Him: "Arbab! Can you be so kind as to give us some water"?

Me: "There is a mosque behind you why don’t you get the water from there. Its just 10 minute walk."

His face showed of signs of despair as he answered,

"We are Hindus and are not allowed in the mosque. We were told be the caretaker not to enter."

Me: "You could have told him that you needed water. Your being Hindu does not deny you the right to water."

Him: "He said there is not water. We didn’t want to cause a fuss so we walked here."

I told him to sit in the car and I drove up to the mosque. I walked into the mosque and I could see the caretaker sitting in a corner. I located the Cooler, which was just 10 yards from the entrance and filled the empty bottles. As I made my way back out I approached the caretaker and inquired about the incident. He reiterated his point that they are Hindus and their admittance is prohibited in the mosque.

Me: "Where in the holy Quran does it says to not give water to Non-Muslims? How do you know that I am a Muslim?"

Caretaker: "You don’t LOOK like a non-Muslim. I could have filled the bottle but it had their sweat on it and that is NAJIS. Such an item would definitely breach the sanctity of the mosque and it’s my job to see that never happens."

The tone of his voice had increase and he was very adamant in his beliefs. I just shook my head. He was never going to see the errors of his way, so I just asked him to inquire about these matters to a learned man and hope he can understand what he did was wrong.

Sometimes we forget the real purpose of religion. How can you stand before God asking for forgiveness when you have hurt his creations. When you have denied them of his most precious gifts onto us human beings. I apologized to the men about the incident. I explained to them that the fault was clearly of the caretaker and such practices were prohibited in Islam.

The terrifying part is that when I spoke about this unpleasant incident amongst some Muslim acquaintances there was a minority who saw the justification in the actions of the caretaker.

Are U Satisfied?

2006-07-03T17:48:00.000+04:00

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.

2006 has not been my year; each day has brought additional hardship, which I have aptly accepted as trials from my creator. I wish I could meet the astrologer who said it’s going to be MY YEAR. Do people really believe in astrology and various other things that claim to foretell our fate? I feel its nothing more than being able to develop a state whereby we satisfy ourselves with notions that all will end well. The world would be a better place if we escape the shadows of our inner demons and confront the reality of why we exist.

Can anyone exist within an ethical and sympathetic existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror intrinsic in life, when one finds obscurity not only in one's culture but also inside oneself?

Fallen..

2006-06-29T11:51:00.000+04:00

This is something i wrote a long time ago, I wonder what i felt that day :

maybe its me..
maybe its the demons who have come to haunt me..
maybe its just the time.. maybe its not right..

My existance is secondary..
my passion is obsolete..
my refuge has been burnt..
my pride has been hurt..

..fallen

Slaves to our Dreams

2006-06-29T10:21:00.000+04:00

Each night i lay on my bed reminiscing what i have accomplished today and it’s always nothing to be proud of. I envision that tomorrow is a NEW day and duly set out the same goals but with more determination and hope of imminent triumph. We all have problems, I believe God created us to observe how well we can handle ours. Some of us go a step further and help others sort theirs.
There are so many things that i want to do but somehow i always falter at the last step. There is so much to learn and so little time :)

Fly me to the moon

2006-06-26T16:27:00.000+04:00

Fly me to the moon
And let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On Jupiter and Mars
In other words hold my hand
In other words darling kiss me

Fill my life with song
And let me sing forevermore
You are all I hope for
All I worship and adore
In other words please be true
In other words I love you

Sinatra is good for summer heat..just close your eyes and drift far away.